DadMode: Parenting, Gaming, Streaming, Life
"DadMode" is a podcast where two gaming-loving dads discuss everything from live streaming to fatherhood in a humorous and relatable way. Join Josh aka Moorph and Bearded Nova as they share gaming adventures and parenting anecdotes, offering a unique blend of entertainment and insight for fellow gamers with kids.
DadMode: Parenting, Gaming, Streaming, Life
The Scary Conversation of the Birds and the Bees
Josh aka Bearded_Nova
I'm from Australia and am what you would call a father who games. I have 5 kids so not as much time to game as I used to. But I still game and stream when I can. So come join me on Twitch in chat as we chill out.
Business Inquiries: Bearded-n0va@aussiebb.com.au
Josh aka Moorph
I'm a US-based husband and father of two boys. I work full-time and have been a content creator since 2000. I'm a YouTube partner, Twitch and LiveSpace streamer who founded a content creation coaching company called Elev8d Media Group (elev8d.media). I'm a blogger, streamer, podcaster, and video-er(?).
Business Inquiries: josh@elev8d.media
Turning off normal human male mode. Switching to dad mode. Welcome in to dad mode With your hosts Bearded, Nova and Morph.
Speaker 2:So my son, my oldest son, is 13. He's got a phone and he has started to become interested in girls, right? Yeah, I don't normally check his phone history. I did the other day because he dared me to, oh he dared you to.
Speaker 2:I had to bleach my eyes afterwards and I realized, oh, it might be time to have a talk with him about sex and pornography and stuff like that, and I have not dreaded anything as much as the anticipation of doing that. My wife has already started the conversation with him and you can hear him cringing from across the house yeah, yeah and. But there's still a lot more to do. How's it been with you and five kids school system?
Speaker 3:that's all I gotta say. School, take care of that. Got questions outside of that come back to me, because the school's kind of like they they bring in, usually bring in like a third party travels to the school and does the talk, depending on the and they they've worded appropriately to that age group or to you know, so they, the topics brought up are more appropriate, I guess, and then it's more anything outside of that. Come back and talk to us. I guess. Every time they just come back disgusted also. So it's like there's very limited that you need to talk about, because that's that's it. Um, mainly having daughters. Wife takes care of that. Son. Yeah, yeah, we.
Speaker 3:I think we talked about this really early on in the podcast where my son in early primary school, him and friends, friends had brought up about anime boobs and then next thing, you know that's what they're searching on their ipads at school and then I'm getting called in to to deal with the situation. That is why is your son looking at anime boobs? Where he is now? I don't know, I don't. I know there's the interest for girls and that, but I know that the, the talk around sex has been there. I think we've had that talk at the time about pornography, I haven't seen anything pop up in the system. I guess when that happened that caused me to relook at the privacy settings on all our devices. I guess, yeah, but nothing's flagged since then. Okay.
Speaker 2:I'm in the middle of looking up additional filters for the phone and the computers, because there's a lot of ways around it, you know, with the google family link. Oh, is it? Yeah, it's not, it's not difficult at all, um apparently I know my wi-fi itself has filtering through it.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, so that we have a the mesh, the mesh network at home. All the kids, their devices are locked to their own profiles, so one. I can just disconnect the internet on all their devices if I want to on the individual child, not the whole household.
Speaker 3:Yep, but mainly because, yeah, I can, and it's popped up a car. Oh sorry, I'll go back. It's come back and said that they've blocked attempts at looking at different things. But then when I brought it up or I've gone to the wife, I'm like, hey, you want to go ask what this is about. Nothing's really come from it, so I don't know if it's a pop up or something else that has done that you know, yeah, it's interesting having the talks.
Speaker 2:You know, you don't, you're not trying to discourage them, you're trying to just give them the real reality of what things are. Given the real reality of what things are, I've heard other people like talk very negatively about sex and porn and stuff like this. And you know, it's like giving their kids these big, crazy, dark speeches and it's like, yeah, but sex is awesome. Like just don't do it. Yet. You know, I don't know what else to say, man, you know, yeah it's?
Speaker 3:I don't know, because I never had the conversation myself. You know what I mean. So it's kind of, I guess, rolling off what I personally know myself. And then it's like, oh cool, these people are having, you know, children, are having babies. Obviously they've worked out what that is about. But the conversation, I guess, because you can't avoid things. You can't just put someone into a nunnery or a Buddhist monk or whatever. You know what I mean. You can't force your children into this life. Shit is going to happen one way or another. I guess giving like we've talked about so many times before, giving that knowledge and the ability to make the right choices in situations, is what's important. Yep.
Speaker 3:Understanding consequences to our decisions absolutely so.
Speaker 2:I think the thing that, you know, my wife and I have been talking more about is, like you know how porn isn't real, it's just it's, it's fake it's made up right, yeah, right.
Speaker 2:So like, don't think people aren't really like that in real life. You know they don't act like that whatever. And then there's a consequence side right, don't take pictures, don't. If you get pictures, delete them, cause you're you're a minor dude, you know consent. Consent is a real thing, you know. So we try to give him those kinds of messages, not like to scare him, but so he understands the seriousness of of it too.
Speaker 3:I mean, you know the other, another thing I think it's more of a something that we didn't have to deal with growing up only fans yeah, man, you got this whole new, new side of the business fans, the only fans, all this stuff where anyone and anyone can take photos and start selling and and doing this. And I found it interesting because we have, and when children finish their high school, here it's a tradition to have schoolies, which is kind of like a spring break, but it's schoolies is for the end of year celebrations when school's finished for the year, 12 students and they all go to. Every state's got its different, it's different place where most kids go to, but for us here it's down to the gold coast, down to the beach. They all get these apartments, the, you know, the council and all that. The they all put in like Gated off areas for the kids so they're not mixing with.
Speaker 3:You know, try to control it in the best way, you know, make it safe for kids, basically, yeah, but there was on the news women from OnlyFans trying to go to schoolies to find children who were just turning 18 to appear in their content. So you've got to think. Think you got young kids most likely drinking, whether it's underage or not. You know, 17 year olds, etc. Making stupid choices and then ending up on a site like that.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. Yep, where, where, unlike when we grew up, that shit lasts forever. It's out there. Once it's posted, it's out there forever.
Speaker 3:Yeah yeah, it's, you know, yeah it's. It's more than a one-night stand. I guess and I guess it was hard to say you know, the best thing you can do there is just talk about, talk about these kids and go.
Speaker 3:Hey, I often don't make the right decision, but that's something I never would have had to think about, going to school like to my break. That being said, I don't know how it would be if they turn around and said you know, I'm partying and all these women are like, do you want to be in porn? I'm like kind of the same thing, but the the, the chances of that happening you know a lot smaller, I guess. And it's it's scary that at the same time and you know, we got straight girls doing that, you know, looking for young males and other you know either side to do. The year before, I don't know, you had trans OnlyFans people going down there and then doing the same, but not disclosing, I guess, was purposely going out, trying. Yeah, I think that that's wrong too, but I don't even know how, where to start with that. I don't right it's it's harder.
Speaker 2:There's so many more things. There's so many avenues about when I was growing up. Yeah, and stuff is way more accessible ever than when I was growing up.
Speaker 3:It's 56 you know, yeah, over 18. Then clicking and waiting minutes for this picture to slowly progress down the screen. That was it.
Speaker 2:Nowadays it's so much more that's in the kids faces, so much like you type in dr seuss and google and inevitably you'll see some kind of porn image or something yeah, anything, anything.
Speaker 3:It's a rule 34 of the internet, you know. I mean everything's, everything's got its own way of going that way. It's disgusting and I don't know, I don't know what else to do, like, yeah, we don't I don't either.
Speaker 2:It's so, but it's it's. I mean all you can do is just give, give. Give your kids the information they need to not make stupid choices how do you feel after the conversation?
Speaker 3:like follow ups, do you feel like there needs to be follow-ups or check-ins?
Speaker 2:I feel like there needs to be follow ups, because we found that we could only do it for a few minutes at a time before it, because every nobody wants to be in it. We don't want to say it, he doesn't want to hear it. Yeah, you know, nobody likes it, nobody, you know. But so it's like get a little bit of information and then a couple of weeks later, here's a little bit more. You know, it's just constant, though we're trying to mask anything.
Speaker 3:Just making sure that you know we're as open as we can be about stuff. Yeah, try not to. You don't want to give him the wrong information that forces him into a down a rabbit hole, into a way that's gonna bring up even more of the wrongness you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's, it's balancing that act of what's the right amount to feed, I guess yeah, so you know that I'm a big fan of of ai and chat, gpt and all that oh god, did you go to? It shouldn't surprise you that when I was getting ready to have the talk yeah, I said, hey, chat gpt, how should I talk to my 13 year old boy about this stuff? And it gave me a long list. That was really good. Actually, really, I'm doing it right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I actually. I took the, what it gave me, and sent it to my wife. I'm like, hey, we should, we should look at this. And yeah, so I'm looking at my chat GPT history, it's called talking to teens about porn and so gave me a, a 10 list, a 10 bulleted, a 10 item list of things. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna read some of it out.
Speaker 2:One is create a safe environment. Choose a time and place where you won't be interrupted. Keep the tone relaxed and non-judgmental so they feel comfortable opening up. Sure, sure, makes sense. Second one start with questions. Ask what they already know or if they've heard about pornography. For example, have you ever come across stuff online that made you feel confused or curious? And this helps you gauge the level of exposure and understanding. Sure, yeah, go, makes sense. Three be honest and direct. Explain what pornography is in age-appropriate terms. Pornography is when people make videos or pictures of sexual things for others to watch. Acknowledges exist without making it taboo. That's the first three. They all make sense, so far right. Number four is where it gets a little bit. It turns a little bit. Discuss. It says discuss why it's a problem. Talk about how porn is not realistic. It's like watching a superhero movie. It's made to look cool, but it's not how relationships or bodies work. You disagree, but highlight potential issues like addiction, distorted views of relationships or the way it can objectify people.
Speaker 3:I get that why it's a problem, but some things do work, like you see. Yeah, I'm just having a look at it myself. Yeah, and it's interesting. It's a good way, you know I've got choose the right moment. Stay calm and non-judgmental. Start with open-ended questions, which is, you know, that's right. Share age-appropriate information, yep. Emphasize healthy relationships, which I think is a massive one this year. Discuss digital safety. Normalize curiosity, but set boundaries.
Speaker 2:The list is almost exactly the same, yeah be open and honest problem. Yeah, my next was emphasize have healthy relationships.
Speaker 3:Next was talk about media literacy, next was acknowledge curiosity and next was set boundaries last one it has here is provide resources, which I think is a smart way to do it. You can have the chat but then maybe have a look at other third party point of look at other sites that really specialize and maybe see especially that, as you can send kids links and go, hey, if you want to read about it more, this is a great place to talk about yeah.
Speaker 2:So when I asked and got that list yeah, you know it, it actually did really help me. You know, it gave me like this outline, yeah, of what I could do, because I'm like what should I say? Should I do this, should I do that, like you know, and I was like oh all right, these make sense. You know, let's let's kind of tick some of these off and and and see how, what we can do this, you know so chat gpt is actually giving me an example of starting the conversation.
Speaker 3:Oh, really, yeah. So it says, hey, I wanted to talk about something important. These days, it's really easy to come across things online that might feel confusing or uncomfortable, like pornography. Have you seen or heard anything like it? It's okay to be honest.
Speaker 2:I just want to help you make sense of it yeah, if your parents came to you at 13 and said, hey, nova, well, maybe they don't call you nova do you know what porn is you're like? No, no, no, how do you? How do you pronounce that? Is that some type of french word? I didn't learn french at school, right? So, like having those conversations and have your kids being open and direct and having to be as less awkward as possible starts before that, right, it starts with having open and honest and direct communication with your kids from the time they were born, right, and so when you have, when you come to the time, let's talk about sex and porn, all this other more uncomfortable stuff.
Speaker 3:You already have established a relationship openness and directness I think that's a massive one to remember that teens value honesty and openness. You know, as kids get old they start to see through a little bit of the bullshit, and that you're setting a stage for them to trust you as a reliable source of God. If you give them that wrong information and it sets them on a wrong path, they're not going to come back to you to have more of a conversation.
Speaker 2:And then they'll get a little older 18, 19, 20, and they'll look at you and realize that you're a fucking mess. That was barely holding it together raising them, but you know, up until that was barely holding it together raising them, yeah, but you know, up until that point, you know they think that you're you're on a pedestal and that you got your shit together. Yeah, exactly, none of us do. None of us do it's.
Speaker 3:It's definitely a hard time, especially as kids get older, but I I like to think of it realistically. This conversation is the last hard conversation you've really got. You might come across a heartbreak. You know that's one that's inevitable that'll come up. There's lots of other conversations that can come up, I guess. Drug use, yep, but realistically, if you're looking at it, most parents are all going to fall on the same line that it's sex and pornography is the hardest one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, to have like drugs and drinking. It's like don't do it until you're old enough. And here's why, like that's not hard, but this this is this makes people uncomfortable.
Speaker 3:I never was given the talk growing up, I just had to figure stuff out I think we were given a vhs tape off memory, like here's a vh test tape and here's a book, I think, off memory. And the vhs tape was like, from the snippets that are in my memory, weird, it was like cartoon, did you? It's like, you know, cartoon. It wasn't like it was like a cartoon, but I had to that. So hentai, yeah. The problem is it had sound effects. From what I remember, it had those cartoon sound effects like boing, and it doesn't need that. It had a lot of things where it's confusing.
Speaker 3:This is not how it works, yeah, but, like I said, our school system actually the school system kind of here just really does cover everything. It is something that you take as a parent do you wish your children to participate? Yes, no, etc. They usually, they usually go over a bit of it at the same time. They give you a bit of information to go hey, this is what we're going to be talking about anyway, and that allows you to have that conversation.
Speaker 3:So how it's worked for us most of the time the kids have gone to school, they've learned the bits over the time, and then over dinner or something like that, when we're having a family discussion or talking to them. You're like, hey, we know you had this, you know this class was on today. Was there anything you were confused with? Or was there anything you're not sure of? Did you learn anything you know? Most of the time it's no, no, no, don't want to talk about it, but at least you're opening. You know for us where we're leaving that door open to have that conversation if they wish to know.
Speaker 2:Yeah I think one of the important things too, if it's not obvious already is don't be judgmental, no right, don't. And don't try to shame your kids. They'll never open up to you. Nah, I, you know it's funny like. Openness, directness, good communication and in your relationship with your child are important. Up for me, up to a point when they start dating and becoming active. Yeah, I don't want to know anything. I don't want to know anything that you're doing. Please do not give me details no, I don't need details.
Speaker 2:I don't, I don't, I don't want to because you know what, if you give me details, I'm gonna give you details about me and your mom.
Speaker 3:Enjoy yeah yeah, but no, yeah, that's. I'm leaving that there. You can. We can end up there. Just don't bring up details, or you and your mom?
Speaker 2:you know, your mom and I are going to be giving you stories now yeah, because it's fair Now that I've made this really uncomfortable for everybody listening and recording this. No, it's definitely an important thing to do, and especially since, like we said, things are a little bit different than when I was growing up, than when Nova was growing up. Things are more accessible, people are more. There's more sexuality out in public, I feel, than there ever has been. Look at like Twitch, which we mentioned before, or Instagram, or any of the social media sites. There's a lot more sexuality out in society that you have to prepare them for than we ever had to deal with.
Speaker 3:I think, leverage the internet in the correct ways to get that information, and then you know it's a double-edged sword it can show you the wrong information and the right information. Have this conversation like we talked about a little bit before and I said maybe look online, get some resources online. Usually, health pages are the good ones. I know it's a very boring talk, but health pages are a great start. Get the information that they want. Allow them to access that information so they can discover or find out things that they might not feel comfortable in talking to you, but at least they can read about it and then maybe come back to you if they have any questions further on it yep, yep, absolutely.
Speaker 2:You know we were talking, I think, before we started this, about filters and locking things down. You want things to be open, but you also don't want to be stupid and you want to protect them from themselves, sometimes because they're going to get curious. They're going to get curious and you know age appropriate. Maybe every parent makes their own decision, but like I don't want my kid to stumble across stuff yet, I just don't think it's.
Speaker 3:They're not, he's not ready, I think it's working out what's age appropriate for your child. That makes you feel comfortable. Right, sure, there's some things that are probably age appropriate, you know in general, but yeah, everyone's gauge of what is appropriate at a certain age is different and work on what you feel comfortable is with your household and your family and so on. I mean you can we all know you've got the parents at either end of the scale. You know what I mean. Where do you want to sit? Do you want to be the parent at the fan, that at the school that everyone goes? Okay, that was the parent that started this whole sexual thing. It was their child and they are the parents that started it. Or do you want to be the other parent at the other end, where everyone knows about and you're still sheltering them? You don't, I'm assuming you don't want to be either. You kind of want to find your place in the middle yeah, there, there is no right path to take.
Speaker 2:It's. It's like like he's saying every situation a little bit different, every kid is a little bit different. They mature at different rates, they expose to different things, so you kind of have to play that by ear. If you notice that they're very social or you know they talk about their friends are dating at a young age, maybe you start a conversation earlier. Yeah, you know. Or I was an absolute nerd in school so my mom didn't have to really worry about any of that till I got into high school.
Speaker 3:You know, but every everybody's different, yeah everyone's different just gauge it off, the social aspect of how your children are going so the one, the one thing I can?
Speaker 2:I can definitely. Who is thinking, oh man, I really have to do this for my kids? Is it will and you're thinking it's going to be awkward or uncomfortable it will be. It will be awkward, it will be uncomfortable. Do your research, Be prepared for the questions.
Speaker 3:Use correct terms and don't judge your kids. Use correct terms. I guess that's the best one. Be correct with what just saying I guess, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And also, unlike what you've heard, when somebody catches a kid smoking, you know you make them smoke the whole pack. If you catch a kid watching porn, you you can't make them watch all of the porn, like that's not gonna help at all I can't say it.
Speaker 3:I can't say it. Oh geez, yeah, come out. Like quagmire, I guess diggity. Oh geez, yeah, come out like quagmire, I guess, diggity.
Speaker 2:Oh, all right oh, that's awesome. My kids have been watching family guy, yeah, and I'm like I don't need to have the talk because it's all on a family guy everything's on tv now so, yeah, thank you tv for raising my kids. No, I don't know, that's awesome and then that did you have?
Speaker 2:so you have everything from like what, how old's the quota now? Two, one, one a bit right, one a bit, one a bit. And you got up to like a 15 right, 16, 16 now. Wow, so you've had this conversation multiple times, or do you have like a different system?
Speaker 3:let it go school just let the school take it all. School is taking it all. Yeah, that's how we've done it.
Speaker 2:Our school system doesn't seem to really do that. They talk.
Speaker 3:I've talked a little bit about sex a little bit, but that's no, but that's it I said, our school system goes hard, like a like I've talked about before, like social, social media and bullying and all that like it goes hard and oh it doesn't here, so parents will have to do a lot of the work yeah, no, even you know, the other day, just before after christmas, couple of days after christmas, I was reading how another child had taken their life because online social media like just after christmas.
Speaker 2:It was a sad thing to read, yeah you're not not to change topics, but that like that's one of those things that you hear every now and then where it's like and this is why I'm not letting my kid on social media. Yet you know, I know these I really wouldn't be other like I don't want to.
Speaker 3:Yet you know, um, the more that shit pops up the more that shit pops up, the more I'm like happy that that band's coming, I guess oh, that's right.
Speaker 2:You guys have the band coming. When does?
Speaker 3:it start pretty in place. I've got a year to work out how to.
Speaker 2:The company's got a year in place to work out how to do it I forgot, if you didn't catch our an episode I don't know how long ago it was, but australia well, actually, I'll let you tell it since, yeah, australia is banning social media for children under the age of 16?
Speaker 3:right, yeah, it's up to the platforms to make sure that children cannot access them it's.
Speaker 2:It's going to be interesting, and it's the first of its kind in the world, isn't it? Yeah yeah, so if, depending, the world's watching and they want to see how it works, and if it seems to be successful, it's going to start being implemented everywhere it will.
Speaker 3:That's, that's how I say. It'll be one of those things that if it works, it'll. Other countries will just roll in and go no, no, no, we, we don't want this either, and it'll right, that's right we brought I brought steam ref. You know, digital refunds wasn't a thing until australia turned around and said, hey, that's bullshit, you should be out. If you're selling something, you should be able to return it, and we all can return our steam games and xbox games and playstation. You know we couldn't do that before and you can't now, but thank you and that was very quickly adopted across the world, worldwide after australia.
Speaker 3:Sued steam basically, yeah yeah, that's, that's crazy.
Speaker 2:The last piece of social media news I'll give you is so there's a a new government coming into plow or in power in the us, yeah, and they have already said they don't want to ban tiktok.
Speaker 3:So wasn't this the same government that?
Speaker 2:started the tiktok like this month or something. But it may not, because the incoming president doesn't want it to. Let's rewind it.
Speaker 3:Maybe isn't this the same president that started the whole tiktok yes, yeah yeah, cool, all right, just making sure I was on the same path, like I'm like I swear this started because of like we're not doing anything to china you know how we phones except you know the whole end. Yeah, okay, cool, we're in. Doing anything to China, you know Hawaii, except you know the whole end. Yeah, okay, cool, we're in. It Makes sense.
Speaker 2:So no, it doesn't but yep, we'll just go with that. Let's just go with it, I'll accept it.
Speaker 3:Let's maybe kindly realize that Taiwan and China are two different countries.
Speaker 2:Unless you ask China. Yeah, so do you have any last pieces of advice you would give any parent who knows they have to do this?
Speaker 3:Nah, just embrace the fact that you're going to have to do it. You can't avoid it. You really can't In some way shape or form. You will be having a chat to them about it. Whether you give them all the information straight up, someone else does. You still need to touch base and make sure that what they do know is correct.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you've been listening to dad mode. Our passion is navigating this wild journey of parenthood and modern life, from balancing family time to managing your career and still squeezing in some gaming and content creation. And no matter what the women say, they will never be able to pry the controller out of our cold dead hands. Anyway, we hope you enjoyed the show. If you did find us on Twitter, tiktok and YouTube at DadModePodcast and we can be found on every podcast site at DadModePodcast we can be found on every podcast site at DadModePodcast. Y'all be cool. See you next time.
