From Preteen Negotiations to Stepfamily Bonds with Guest ChillinwithDev

When Dev, a vibrant mom and content creator, joined us on the Dad Mode podcast, the conversation bloomed with insights you won't want to miss. Her journey started at 20, diving headfirst into the transformative world of parenting, and in this episode, she shares the rollercoaster ride that is motherhood. We laugh at the quirky battles, like negotiating with preteens or teaching them to drive, and ponder the impact of the digital age on our kids. It's an honest look at how growth doesn't just happen to our children but to us as parents, reshaping our identities and challenging us in ways we never anticipated.

As we swap tales of juggling parenting hats, it's clear that the notion of fixed parental roles has sailed into the sunset. Our chat navigates the ever-shifting responsibilities in modern homes, where work schedules and personality traits mean today's dads might be tomorrow's homework helpers—or vice versa. Through laughs and earnest reflection, we stress the importance of communication and flexibility in parenting partnerships. It's a candid exploration of the balancing act we all perform, ensuring our families thrive amid the chaos of daily life.

The episode rounds off with a heartfelt discussion on the complexities of co-parenting and step-parenting. From the comedic genius of a child using tampons as band-aids to the poignant moments of acceptance from step-children, these stories underscore the creativity and resilience of blended families. We share not just the challenges but the triumphs of these relationships, highlighting the bonds formed that transcend biology. So, ready your hearts and your humor for a podcast that delves deep into the realities and the joys of modern fatherhood, and everything that comes with it.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Stand by, stand by Switching from Human Mode to Dad Mode, initializing Sequence in 3, 2, 1. This is Dad Mode, the podcast where we navigate the chaotic realms of parenting, gaming, content creation, work and hell, just life in general. We're diving into the challenges of raising kids in the digital age, from social media madness to navigating the gaming landscape. We're talking about it all, especially from a dad's perspective. Whether it's conquering the littest game, creating content that's more than just a hobby, or just trying to keep up with the ever-changing tech landscape, we're right there with you. We want to help you navigate this wild journey of parenthood and modern life, from balancing family time to managing your career and still squeezing in some gaming and content creation. It's all about fun, some dad wisdom and a whole lot of dad mode. Now your hosts Bearded Nova and more.

Speaker 2: 1:28

Welcome back to Dad Mode podcast with Bearded Nova myself. Today we are joined by the very first ever mom on our show, chilling with Dev. Dev is a streamer content creator. You can find her on Twitch, you can find her on TikTok, you can find her a lot of places and she has one son, almost eight years old. We're going to talk to Dev about everything to do with parenting. Getting this mom perspective is going to be pretty interesting, because I'm sure that Bearded and I are going to find that we're doing things messed up, because it's usually the mom that doesn't get enough but should get all of the credit in the house. At least that's the way it works in my house.

Speaker 3: 2:09

No, I'm not pandering my wife.

Speaker 2: 2:12

Dev. How are you doing?

Speaker 3: 2:15

I'm doing well. Thank you so much for having me. How have you two been in a while since you caught up?

Speaker 2: 2:21

It has been a while I'm doing great.

Speaker 4: 2:23

Yeah, I'm doing great too.

Speaker 2: 2:27

Audio seems really low for all of a sudden Bearded. Okay, hold on, hold on. Sorry, it's my side.

Speaker 4: 2:35

Alright, yeah, I'm doing great. I'm doing good. You can edit that part out. Always going to do something. There's always something I need to cut out, it's appointed here there is.

Speaker 2: 2:49

So, Dev, you have one child. The one question I love asking everybody, at least recently, is how has parenting changed who you were? If you can remember eight years ago, before you became a mom, how things changed for you?

Speaker 3: 3:07

Well, that's a really interesting question because I had my son when I was 20. So I can't really say that I knew who I was at the time when I had him. I was in a completely different relationship, living in a completely different town. Everything was spontaneous and fast, and I've changed so much as an individual since then.

Speaker 1: 3:33

You evolved.

Speaker 3: 3:35

Not just, yeah, I evolved tremendously and I would have to say, of course, a lot of it had to do with parenting but also just growing up. When you're 20 and you have a kid, you have not grown up at all, even if you think you have. So. Either way, I would say I'm probably nowhere near the same person I was before I had my kid.

Speaker 2: 4:00

Right, yeah, at 20, you think, actually you probably think you know a lot at 16 and 15, but you don't.

Speaker 3: 4:08

No, and it just compounds. By the time you're 20.

Speaker 2: 4:13

Right. I find it amazing just in general, as I get older and the things that I learn. If I think about even five years ago, I'm like wait, what was I doing then? You know you just as a person you mature. However, all this knowledge that you gain as you try to pass it on to your child, they don't care, they're like whatever. You don't know anything, but I don't know if your kid has got that stage yet, but they will. If they have, probably not.

Speaker 3: 4:39

We're getting into the argumentative stage. So it's coming the early days. It's coming faster than I'd probably like it to.

Speaker 2: 4:46

Yeah.

Speaker 4: 4:50

I hate that stage.

Speaker 2: 4:52

Well, you have kids from newborn to what? 15?, 15?. So you're all the stages. I've done all the stages.

Speaker 4: 5:00

I'm still going to do all the stages. The 15-year-old's like calm down there. There's a period and we're hitting that with the 10, 11,. That's their peak preteen diva period. With daughters, I find, oh man, and they go backwards as well. The most cleanest child in the house is now the biggest mess there is, and it just happened overnight. I don't know where this child came from, but it seems at the same time a 15-year-old. She's just come out of it. She's no longer that child that was before. She's now a different child altogether, and my wife even said yes, I was driving along, you've got to start teaching her how to drive soon. That's scary.

Speaker 3: 5:39

Oh man, yeah, I can't imagine, I'm not ready.

Speaker 2: 5:45

That is scary. Well, it happened so quick. I was looking at a photo the other day and I'm like, was he like five years? I was like, no, that was like four years ago, because my son now is taller than my wife, he's 12. And I'm like, oh, you're going to be driving like three and a half years, man, I'm not. My insurance isn't ready for this. I don't know if it's my hot car and we're like neither one of us want to, because we don't want him driving a new car, you know. So I'm scared.

Speaker 4: 6:13

So I said to you, my whole plan around driving is going to be driving soon. I'm going to set that up in the house, set it up with the car that I'm going to teach her to drive in, and just let her drive around in that for a little bit, just to just to get the feel for it before we go out in the road.

Speaker 3: 6:30

Wish we had that huh.

Speaker 2: 6:32

Like I recently got the wheel, you know, bearded, you know the wheel in the whole setup for driving and I'm watching my kid do this and I'm like there's no way I'm letting you behind the wheel of my car. He just he can't, he can, he won't stay on the road. He loves if somebody passes me, he gets you and he just runs them off the road. He's like dad, I'm a good driver, right?

Speaker 4: 6:55

No, but no fine, we're great skills.

Speaker 2: 7:00

We probably watch as we too much in the car. I try I try not to rage in the car because I know I've got two parents sitting in the back seat. Anyway, so Getting to some other questions here. So how do you look at your parenting style Like? What would you describe your parenting style as Deve?

Speaker 3: 7:24

I would say it's kind of a blend between, like traditional or old fashioned parenting. I'm still pretty strict about things. I don't do the whole. Okay. Well, let's talk through that. I will with emotions, but if it's back talk blatant disrespect being sloppy, we try to snap him out of it pretty quickly. So I'd say it's a soft blend between a strict dictatorship and a calm democracy.

Speaker 2: 7:59

A calm democracy Somewhere in between.

Speaker 3: 8:02

It depends on the day, depends on the situation. It's what mom's bring.

Speaker 4: 8:04

They level it out. To me it would be all one end, not this bounce.

Speaker 3: 8:08

We also have to keep them on their toes. Okay, If we're soft all the time, they'll take advantage.

Speaker 4: 8:15

I'm constantly like.

Speaker 4: 8:16

I'm the hard one in the house. I've even said that to my wife a couple of times. I'm like hey, like I sit there and I'm like I know I need to get angry right now. But I look at her and I'm like maybe you could do it this time, because I kind of feel like I'm maybe overstepping. As I said, when you get to this 10, 11, 12, the preteen it's really fine line of what will set them off, I'm like, okay, if I keep doing this, I'm going to be the one that's the bad one, not constantly. She's the good one. I need you to do a little bit of that stuff too.

Speaker 3: 8:52

I'm also working with a co-parenting situation. It's 50-50, so when my kiddos at his dad's house and he comes back to my house, it's my rules, my expectations. That's also very different too. That's why I kind of have to be good cop and bad cop, because my partner, he's great, he's amazing and he'll step in when he needs to. But I think that instills even more fear in a child if the dad only steps in when he absolutely has to.

Speaker 4: 9:26

Right, we brought that up with Nerds. It's like this thing that happens when you have a child and you instantly get this new voice, this new demeanor and face where you're able to pull off something very quickly, very shortly, like I have a disaffect on people.

Speaker 3: 9:40

Yes.

Speaker 2: 9:41

Yeah, so it's interesting. So you're saying you had your son at a young age. I was older when I had my first kid Well, obviously both of them. I had been married for almost 10 years before we had our first kid. It was kind of opposite, where you were just getting into adulthood and you hadn't figured anything out and now you have a kid, and so that probably became a big part of who you were, who you are right.

Speaker 3: 10:09

Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 10:10

For me it was like I knew who I was at 30 or whatever, and then I had a kid and like wait, everything's changing now. I don't know, I don't like any of this. I don't want to not do the things that I was doing before, and I found that a very hard transition. I don't know that either your situation or mine is better or worse.

Speaker 3: 10:28

Yeah, it's challenging. It seems like they would probably be the same, because I'm kind of going through my transition now of, okay, my kid isn't completely dependent on me, he makes his own breakfast, he makes his own lunch, he can entertain himself for the most part. I wouldn't leave him home alone, but I have more time and freedom on my own side and so, with streaming and content and just getting a chance to discover who I am, there's an inner conflict of, oh, I'm almost 30 and I still don't really know what I want to do when I grow up. But at the same time, like you said, having a kid so young, it became a part of who I was. So it's almost like I would say they're the same, but just reversed. You knew who you were and you had to change everything to accommodate a child, and I accommodated a child and now I have a chance to find out who I am. But it's also really weird.

Speaker 4: 11:32

It's unknown territory, so I think that's something I didn't even think about being 20. Your legal age over? There is 21, where ours is 18. So you didn't really get to full adult experience.

Speaker 3: 11:45

No, and I was a rather good kid. I didn't really do too many crazy things, at least not with alcohol, and I was younger. So, yeah, when I hit 21, my kid was turning one, almost two, so yeah, I didn't go to Vegas.

Speaker 4: 12:08

Running chewing control.

Speaker 3: 12:10

Yeah, I actually still haven't legally gambled, and I'm 28 years old.

Speaker 2: 12:14

Yeah, so you don't stream on kick. No, I'm kidding, I totally didn't. That's interesting that you've still never legally gambled. Here's how you do the experience. Take like $100, throw it in the trash. There you go, done. That's how it works.

Speaker 3: 12:36

Yeah, that's the mindset you have to walk into. You're ready to lose it all.

Speaker 4: 12:39

Oh I swear, I'm getting you into it. I'm never into it, belgica.

Speaker 2: 12:43

Mm-hmm. Leave your. Some friend of mine who gambles a lot tells me like leave your debit card at home or just someplace that's not accessible to you easily and just bring money, whatever money, you're willing to lose, in your pocket, and when you're out, you're out.

Speaker 4: 12:57

Don't?

Speaker 2: 12:57

you guys got all yeah, I hear a lot of people say fine ones, don't you over there?

Speaker 3: 13:02

Yeah, that's. The hard thing is that you can put all of your payment information on your phone.

Speaker 4: 13:06

I don't highly use my wallet, because I use my final thoughts, yeah.

Speaker 3: 13:10

I'll only use my phone if I don't have my wallet and I I don't use credit cards. I only have a debit card. I don't carry cash but, yeah, if I do decide to go gambling, it would probably be like bring 20 bucks and see what you can do with it. A hundred bucks See what you can do with it after that we're leaving.

Speaker 2: 13:28

It'd be a great IRL stream. Yeah right, I'll be funny me as much, because it'd be a hey watch more play quarter slots for 30 minutes until he runs out of the $20 you brought. But you know. So you know. How do you? This is a deeper question again how do you view the roles of like the mom versus the dad? Now it's like, do you have, or is it just like everybody does whatever they need to do, or do you feel like there are roles that people should play?

Speaker 3: 14:03

I think the roles are Malleable, like they can change depending on the entire household situation. So you know, I've been fortunate enough to play a few different roles. I did real estate for a while, which is, you know, entrepreneurship I would say I did. I've had a regular nine to five multiple times and I'm currently not working at all. So when the role changes for a partner, I believe that the parenting role changes as well. In a more traditional aspect, if one person is particularly the breadwinner or the person clocking in more hours, they shouldn't have to worry so much about keeping up the house, making dinner, doing homework with the kids, obviously Still balance it with spending quality time with the kids on the weekend, but depending who's in which seat, that's where I think more of the parenting responsibilities lie.

Speaker 4: 15:02

Yeah, that's. That's pretty fair. I see that, especially nowadays, like most households, you know, it's not like it was 50 years ago where there was a single income household. Most households nowadays are to income. So it is all about that balancing on, you know, and especially the support with each other on who's been having a hard time, because You're not just carrying the emotional Workload of the household. At the same time you've got your work, emotional life and sometimes one outweighs the other, you know. I mean it's something to be too hard at home to pursue at work and vice versa. You could have a horrible day at work and be struggled to be apparently get home.

Speaker 3: 15:42

Yeah and if and if the if the stress is pretty equal For both parents, for both parties outside of the home, then it it really comes down to Transparent communication, having a really honest and open line of communication between the two parents so that it doesn't Deep into what the kids can perceive, and how you talk to the kids. And you know, oh, we had McDonald's five days this week because neither of us wanted to cook. You know, at some point you have to be able to talk to each other so that you can relieve some of that stress and still be able To get that extra bit of energy out there for the kids so that they don't yeah, they got too much of it.

Speaker 2: 16:24

It's, it's in my house it's. It's challenging because, you know, we both work full-time and then usually I'm always home first, just because of the nature of my schedule. And so the incident walking the door I gotta make dinner, you know, and it's it's. I didn't think that that would be one of the most tiring things of being a parent is no chance to breathe all the time like it's you walk it what's for dinner.

Speaker 2: 16:46

I'm like Jesus, I just need a second. I just need a second to like breathe or go to the bathroom or something, and it's. It's tiring, but like we try to split it up. Like you know, she gets up before I do, so she always handles breakfast and then go home first. So I always handle dinner and then we but kind of both kind of split bedtime or whatever, do it together or whatever you know. So kind of splitting those chores. But like I find that you know, I Tend to do more of the. I tend to do more of the fun things with the kids, you know, and and and she does more of the homework kind of stuff, and I don't know like I think it's like this is our personalities kind of have decided like what we do. You know, yeah.

Speaker 2: 17:33

I don't I know, I asked you a question like what do you? Think the rules are about. Personally, I don't think I don't know if there should be like a set thing. I think it should be valuable, based on the situation.

Speaker 3: 17:42

Yeah, and adding in personality, like for me, I am I don't want to say I'm always irritable, but I'm sensitive to a lot of activity going on in the home, yeah, so if there's too much noise or even if, like, it's the pets, if the pets are just getting really rambunctious, I get really anxious. So I have a, I have a boy. He's gonna get rambunctious, he's going to want to do a lot of fun activity things. And I am a homebody, stationary, couch, potato, calm Person.

Speaker 3: 18:16

I do a lot of inner reflecting. I'm not Super outgoing when it comes to how I act in my home and my, my son is almost the opposite. So that's helped me in many ways, but it's also, you know, challenged me in many ways. So I would say that my boyfriend is definitely more of the fun, like, oh, let's build something, let's go play with these, let's go do this. And it's nice for me because then I don't have to, I don't have to go too far out of my comfort zone. But at the same time, having an only child, he gets lonely or sometimes he wants his mom time. So, like today, we played Mario Kart and we did a few grand primes. And I can do that, I can manage that, but I'm not going to go outside and run around for an hour. So I would say that.

Speaker 4: 19:09

You know I get that because that's that's our household, especially if the wife and I just sit in down after a day. We like to have our lattes, sit in the couch, watch a TV show together or something, and the thing in Foust is we don't want to hear you from the other end of the house, we don't want to hear you in your room, and then it's constantly that's my phone texting. Can you shut up? Can you shut up, please, please, keep it down. Yeah, my son is horrible for it, though, because he's now quite a gamer and for some reason, his friends don't like discord or using headphones, so they use their phones on speaker.

Speaker 4: 19:48

Well, that's so strange, so frustrating too, because you're sitting there at 10 o'clock at night and you can actually hear their friends yelling through the phone. That's how they do voice chat, as kids do nowadays either it's FaceTime call or something like that, and it's so hard to put up with it. I feel like I'm an asshole all the time coming in there, going come on dude, come on dude and boys, they really just like to test, yeah with everything they do?

Speaker 4: 20:14

I brought this one up because he had a friend come over the other week and I don't even know where to begin Left, because my two of my children don't live with us, so we're a blended family and our youngest is she's together. So he had a friend come over the other fortnight and when they left I'm like dude, can you just clean the room be rubbish, all that stuff you know, to 12 year old boys, you know it's going to be a mess gaming in there all weekend. And he kind of did and he just kind of pushed it underneath the bed and we closed the blinds in his room when he's not there, just so it doesn't get too hot and keeps everything safe. And my wife's gone in there and she's seen the rubbish and then she sent, she started looking because you know, you see a little bit, you start seeing OK, where else is this stash? As a parent does. Oh yeah, she found a tampon in his room with blood on it.

Speaker 4: 21:09

OK, ok, ok so all what I could think of is I'm driving along, I'll get this mess a picture of it going. What the fuck is this? I'm like, dude, what the hell is this? You couldn't tell me it turned out in. This is his logic. He scratched himself in the night, so he went into the bathroom and for some reason, he saw his sister's tampons and decided, fine, that's what I'll use as a band-act and then put that on his shirt.

Speaker 3: 21:44

Ultra absorbent band-aid. But that's what I was going to heal up real quick.

Speaker 4: 21:48

I was thinking for myself like what went through his head here, like, honestly, where was, where did this come from? And I even said, dude, you could have used toilet paper, you know where the band-aids are, like there's so many things you could have used before using a tampon. And then it realized to him that's funny because that's probably what they've. You know, they're going through learning all that stuff at school now again, so high school period, so he kind of knows what it. I guess he must know what they're for and that's what he's decided to do to be funny for his friends. Oh Great.

Speaker 3: 22:25

Yeah, also kind of probably Breaking, breaking the sisters privacy a little bit. Maybe it would embarrass the sister, you know, yeah, because I grew up with a couple siblings too, so I can see that.

Speaker 4: 22:38

Oh, it's just, it just blew my mind. That's what's what I Afterwards that I think I said to his mother when I dropped him off. I'm like, hey, he's not telling me what's going on. Can you try and work out why the hell this has happened? Like I'm trying, I'm trying to make sense of this. This is before I knew he scratched himself, before I knew about the band aid and the rest of it. She goes, if anything, he's probably done it to be funny to his friends, like yeah, okay, yeah, maybe if I yeah.

Speaker 4: 23:06

I was the older brother so I never would afford to something like that. All my sisters are, you know, eight, eight, ten years younger than me, so I Wouldn't afford of that as a joke. But now that I thought about it he's got older sisters and younger sisters to him. It's like, yeah, okay, that's funny. That's funny, I can, I can do that yeah. What are some of the most significant challenges I guess you've had or your partner, I guess as being faced, as being a parent?

Speaker 3: 23:33

I Think the most significant challenge is having a co parenting space. Yeah, it's really hard, especially if you know the other parent doesn't have the same values or like. We Divorced for many reasons, but the majority was we were young and once we started growing up we realized that we were not compatible.

Speaker 3: 24:01

That was similar to me there's no, yeah, there's really no, there's not too much animosity, but when boundaries get crossed or things that seem like Basic logic to me, don't cross his mind. You know Tensions can rise. So I think the biggest challenge and the biggest struggle has been making sure that you know that our son always comes first and that Every decision that either party makes separately or as a household needs to be focused towards his benefit, and that we need to communicate any major decisions with each other. So this summer we moved from A city more in the main city area to a city that's about 45 minutes away From all of the major cities, and that was a big struggle. There was a lot of pushback on that from the other party. So, yeah, it can be. It can be really challenging.

Speaker 4: 24:59

I mean, I get that because I moved when I first met my partner and that we decided to move out to her because she was going through the separation part and I it's not 50 50 for me, it's every other weekend for me, that's it. So I took the step and I moved. It was two and a three hours from where my kids lived, okay, okay, and I get that, because I got a lot of pushback from the other side oh, you just can't be there in the afternoon after school, and stuff like that. I'm like that's not something I'm doing now, though I can't do that like I've made this choice exactly. I kind of had to make this choice one for me in my life, because my life isn't completely tethered to.

Speaker 3: 25:40

There anymore, but that's yeah, when it's every other weekend, you know it makes sense that you would still be able to move further away and not be putting too much stress on the situation, because you can still make that work. It's a drive, but it's gonna work now a days.

Speaker 4: 25:58

It's you know 40 minutes, so 40, 45 minutes if that on a good, good run. Yeah, that's not bad, but I get it like it's. I find, over the time as well, that the conditions between, and the relationship between their mother and myself actually has changed over periods. At first it was very, very Civil, very straightforward, talked a lot, communicated, but over time that that's. That's grown. It's still all focused on the kids, but we still have yeah.

Speaker 3: 26:33

Two totally different parents styles now Well, and I think that will only continue until the kiddos are grown and out of the house, because, you know, the kids also start to behave differently at one house versus the other. I grew up it. I grew up in a co-parenting situation and a blended family, so I know how I acted at my dad's house versus how I acted at my mom's house, and I also try to explain that to my kid as well. I try to find that level of Similarity between us so that he feels like I understand, but also so that he feels like he can't just get away with everything that I do have this extra card in my pocket when oh, I probably know what you're thinking because I was there too. So so we yeah, it's, it's challenging, but I think that's just what we're in for we Focused on that because, I said, my partner's the same.

Speaker 4: 27:32

With her too, difference is Like. When I was smaller, though the up to that seven, eight year old, I did go to my father's all the time, but then, as a guru, older and, as you said, you get this personality starts becoming more of an adult or understanding more adult things I Realized my father and I weren't meant to have a relationship. He's just not the type of person I wanted to be around, so it kind of ended around that. We've talked over years, that's it. But I had to Watch my two door, my two step daughters. They both went through that with their father over the last few years. So it's really hard trying to understand that and talking to him about how, how to feel or you know when I, when I see they're going through stuff. You can't tell them Exactly how it is or how you are, but I can at least give him insight to how it was for me talking back going.

Speaker 4: 28:28

Okay for me. This is what it was like for me. This is how I thought don't, don't try and let this judge you, don't try and feel guilty. This is you. You're important. Do things for yourself, really.

Speaker 3: 28:41

Yeah.

Speaker 4: 28:42

How's this? Just said you've got your boyfriend. How is he gone? I guess we're picking it up because I know, I know, I know for almost like that.

Speaker 3: 28:51

having two children and houses you know, I wasn't there for the first few years of their life and being a parent, yes so I, when I separated from his father, I moved back in with my mom and she thankfully had a spare room, and so I was with my parents and I Met my boyfriend, and I had no intention of really getting back into a serious relationship, not for a while, because I knew that I needed to discover myself as an individual. But it doesn't work like that, and we went on a few dates and it's been five years now. My son met him when he was only two Um, barely two and so he went through the potty training phase. He went. He's been there for pretty much all of it. My son calls him by his first name. He's never pressured to for him to call him dad or anything else. He views him as a stepdad. Yeah, we've never put a label on it or anything, and it's I.

Speaker 3: 30:00

I've asked you know how, how? How was this transition for you? How did you just go from meeting a girl to becoming a dad, really? And he's, he's a man, a few words. He's very stoic, so he hasn't really told me how that went for him, but what I do know is that he went from you know nine years of being single to basically being a dad, and he's. He's never had any ill words towards it. He's. He's been there every step of the way. He's been super supportive, so I think I really got lucky. I really got lucky there, yeah, he's. He's been great and he has. His upbringing has Allowed me to have a better backbone as a mother, and especially a young mom. He's a. He's a few years older than me too, so, yeah it's a really good Eldest.

Speaker 4: 30:56

So I came into her life when she was six. No, not six, she would have been Eight. She was eight and the other one was three, and then my youngest was two at the time. So we've been together eight years, yeah, eight years now. So, yeah, they are good. It's around that same period of coming in and it's yeah, and it's. It is difficult at times. You know, to me they're my daughters, they anyone else. Yeah, they're done, there's. No, I Explain it to people when I have to that, hey, this is, you know, like this conversation we're having, but if it was someone else on the street to them, it's just, I've got four daughters and son, there's yeah, and he's the same way.

Speaker 3: 31:40

Yeah, and in a into anyone who doesn't really.

Speaker 4: 31:43

They don't need to know to anyone that's not family.

Speaker 3: 31:46

Yeah, they don't need to know, he just and him. He'll be talking to co-workers and I'll hear him say yeah, my son has an event on this day. And it fills my heart because, because he's a man, a few words and he doesn't talk about it much.

Speaker 4: 31:58

I can say on the opposite side he's. Whenever your son mentions him, they'll say it in the outsource, because I know Mike, the two girls. They call me by my first name. They call me Josh. However, when they're talking to friends or teachers or anyone like that, that's my dad, that's, that's to them, that's my dad, yeah, and that that always yeah it's a. It's a massive joy to a Heart for not being a blood parent but hearing that from a child that your parent, how you know to them to give you that title.

Speaker 3: 32:30

Mm-hmm, it is, and I think my son is just starting to enter that phase, because we never put labels on anything and we never told him how he should talk about my boyfriend to other people, and so he has started using the phrase stepdad and things like that. And you know, whatever he's comfortable with we're comfortable with and you it's. It's. It's just great to know that a child has support, however it comes. So it's, it's been a challenge, but it's also been a blessing.

Speaker 4: 33:06

So we've been married for three years, yeah, and Prior to getting married, obviously newborn, she wasn't even around or a picture, but we actually talked to all our children about getting married. Hey, how do you feel? You know that we're all happy with it. In our actual ceremony, though, we also involved our children, and my wife read to my two children it's something that she'd written and I'd read to Her two girls at the same time and it was to me, and I remember mine very more clearly was around Not being there for those first steps and not being there for you know, there's early key points and like that they miss, but to me, I was excited that I am gonna be there for their first kiss. I'm gonna be there for the first boyfriend, so I'm gonna be there to when they finish high school. I'm gonna be there for when they they married and and the rest of it, and it's it's a great feeling.

Speaker 3: 33:57

Yeah, special, and I remember that when my mom remarried and when my dad remarried because they both remarried around I'm. I was about seven when my mom remarried in about nine when my dad did, and I remember how special that made me feel and how comforting it was. So, yes, it's very special. I was the kids to know that.

Speaker 4: 34:20

I was. I was in the middle of high school, where my mom Even I should be with him, though, you know, nearly the whole time. Yeah, they only got married, you know, 12, 12 years after being together, and I actually was the one that walked my mother down the aisle for that day, I remember that.

Speaker 4: 34:37

My father. He's been married like four times. Yeah, so that lost meaning a long time ago. But I do have a brother there who I'm very close with still. I'm thinking, boy, what my do is, cuz morphs had his issues, we might wrap this first episode up here and then see if he comes back, and then we'll carry on. Yeah, part two, which would be technically tomorrow, but for us in like ten minutes.

Speaker 1: 35:03

You've been listening to dad mode. Our passion is navigating this wild journey of parenthood and Modern life, from balancing family time to managing your career and still squeezing in some gaming and content creation. And no matter what the women say, they will never be able to pry the controller out of our cold dead hands. Anyway, we hope you enjoyed the show. If you did find us on Twitter, tiktok and YouTube at dad mode podcast, and we can be found on every podcast site at dad mode Podcast. Yabbi cool, see you next time.